Leslie and I had this whole grandiose scheme for part two of her EPIC trash the dress session. We'd been talking about it forever (since before the Dia de los Muertos epiphany), and we were going to do it. We were going to somehow get goats to eat her wedding dress. Only two problems: first, we had to find some goats. Second, we had to try to get them to munch on the dress. So, I networked away and found a friend willing to lend us not only some goats, but a burro, too! This is one of the parts of my job that I absolutely adore: the randomness. Who else gets such random text messages?Just to make sure, I talked to Shanell, friend and goat-owner. "They'll eat anything, right?"
"Well, yeah. They're goats. They'll eat tin cans if you let them."
Leslie and I had discussed various methods of enticing the goats to eat the dress. Butter-flavored cooking spray? Peanut butter smeared on the hem of the dress? Maybe we wouldn't need to do any of this! Maybe they'd just be destructively ravenous to begin with! I was also secretly beginning to worry that, if they'd eat anything, they'd bite Leslie. When the time came, Shanell wasn't able to be there, but her gracious mom helped us get things rolling. The goats came bounding out of the house like puppies. I tried to explain to Shanell's mom what we wanted to do, and she laughed.
"Oh, they won't eat the dress."
"Uh-oh... really? I though they'd eat anything."
"Well, anything but fabric. They don't like fabric. Here, look." She grabbed the bottom edge of her shirt and stuffed it into the goat's mouth. Sure enough, it was like trying to feed a kid cough syrup, or broccoli. Mr. Goat was not having it.
"What... what about some peanut butter?" I asked tentatively. "Or butter spray?"
"They don't like butter either. But, Leslie can try to feed them. Maybe if we sprinkle some goat food on the edge of her dress, it'll LOOK like they're eating it."
So, the goat part didn't go quite as I had envisioned it. There was far less fabric-ripping and goat-chewing than I had expected. But, as it turns out, goats love cheese-flavored crackers. From there, we headed on to an amazing little grove of trees where Brian painted "I LOVE YOU" all over Leslie's dress. The light was beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Thanks, you two, and THANK YOU THANK YOU to Shanell for letting me borrow her goats.
